


This is My Dance Space, and This is Your Dance Space

by onlybritainisgreat (frecklesarechocolate)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff, Hugs, M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:28:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frecklesarechocolate/pseuds/onlybritainisgreat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas needs a hug.</p>
            </blockquote>





	This is My Dance Space, and This is Your Dance Space

Castiel spent much of his time watching Dean Winchester. He would watch Dean from afar most days, and on those occasions, Dean was not aware. Other days, Castiel would watch Dean from up close, and Dean would often get frustrated with Castiel being in what Dean called his "personal space".

This phrase amused Castiel, because there is no such thing as "personal space" in Heaven, and for someone to desire something that does not exist should really be ludicrous.

Over time, however, Cas -- (when Dean started calling him Cas, Castiel was not happy, he felt that it was disrespectful. But Cas began to like the nickname, and a warm and fuzzy feeling settled in whenever he heard it. So now Cas thinks of himself as Cas, and no longer Castiel) -- Over time, however, Cas began to see what Dean meant about "personal space", and he no longer began to think of it as being inside quotation marks. In observing the Winchesters and Bobby Singer, he learned that they definitely did not spend very much of their time staring at each other at all. Nor did they stand very close together, and they certainly did not hug very frequently.

Observing other humans, Cas noted that there were varying degrees of personal space. Some people required more, like the Winchesters and Bobby, and others required less. Cas was beginning to suspect that he was one of those who preferred less personal space rather than more, even though he himself was not human.

Because Cas found that he craved touch. He desperately wanted to be held in someone's arms, he desperately wanted to have someone hold his hand, or cup his cheek affectionately, or run their fingers through his hair.

He had access to some of Jimmy's memories. Not all of them, but those that Jimmy did not lock away, Cas was allowed to access. He found that Jimmy had lots of memories of holding his wife or hugging his daughter, and that the feelings that Jimmy associated with those moments were sunny, pleasant ones. Some of them were even more sensual, that settled more deeply in Jimmy's memories and tended to lead off to a series of memories that Jimmy definitely did not want to share with Cas. But the feelings associated with them intrigued Cas to no end.

Cas wanted to have these kinds of feelings as well.

So he searched for the kinds of experiences that might give him those feelings, which might allow him to curb some of the cravings for physical touch that had been troubling him lately.

The difficulty was that Cas really only knew three humans, and none of them were likely to be willing to assist him in this matter. Cas knew better than to approach Bobby about this, and Sam, well, Cas did not feel comfortable enough around Sam to consider asking.

Which left Dean.

And Dean was the one who was the most vocal about protecting his personal space, much to Cas's chagrin. Dean seemed to protest more and more about Cas's "invasions" of his personal space, despite the fact that Cas was, in fact, trying to remain outside of Dean's "dance space" as Dean put it. (This particular reference was one among many that Cas did not understand. Cas had taken to keeping a journal of them, listing out all the things Dean said that Cas wanted clarification on. He had finally had the chance to see Back to the Future, so he now understood the DeLorean reference, but the idea of dance space eluded Cas, and when he brought it up with Dean, Dean just mumbled something about it being from a dumb old movie and nobody watched it anymore. Sam had just laughed and said "Nobody puts Baby in a corner", which was yet ANOTHER reference for Cas's journal.)

Cas's skin itched though. Not like a bug bite, but an itch that demanded to be surrounded by strong arms holding him to someone else. The desire to be held close became palpable, almost impossible to ignore. Cas fairly thrummed with want, and he realized that while this desire to be held, to be touched was a generalized feeling, he had actually begun to focus that desire in on Dean, not just because Dean was the only one of Cas's three human friends who he felt he could even ask, but because it was Dean. Because he wanted to hug Dean and be hugged by Dean more than anyone else.

But Cas was beginning to think that he might never hug anyone ever, let alone Dean. He found that idea incredibly depressing, and allowed it to settle into him and stay awhile, which is probably why one day Dean stared at him for about ten minutes and finally burst out with: "Dude, what is WRONG with you?"

"I have no physical ailments, Dean," Cas replied, although he had an idea that Dean was not actually asking if Cas was ill.

Dean rubbed his hand over his face, and it was all that Cas could do not to grab at Dean's hand and grasp it between his own. "No, man, that's not what I meant. You've been, like, I don't know, MOPING for the last few weeks, and it's beginning to get annoying."

"I do not believe I have been 'moping' as you say." Cas used air quotes around the word. "And I did not realize that my feelings were such a burden to you." The words came out a touch more sharply than Cas had intended, but he was feeling irritable because he seemed to be completely unable to get what he wanted.

Dean gaped. "No, that's not...I meant...Jesus, Cas," Dean spluttered, his green eyes wide as he looked at Cas. "Even I can see you're unhappy about something, and as Sam will tell you, I'm usually pretty clueless about that stuff."

Cas hid a small smile at this, because it was true, and yet it also was a bit of a lie, if Dean was aware enough of this trait of his to mention it. "It is nothing, Dean. You don't need to trouble yourself over it."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Dude, you've gone all stiff-Angel-of-the-Lord-tax-accountant on me. You only do that when you're irritated about something. What's going on?"

Cas sighed quietly, hoping that he could find some way of brushing this off, because the last thing he wanted to do was make Dean uncomfortable, and Cas had a feeling that this issue would make Dean very uncomfortable indeed. "It's really nothing that I can't deal with on my own." Cas turned back to his research, hoping that Dean would take the hint and move on from the conversation.

However, instead of returning to his internet search, Dean came and sat next to Cas, not quite in the angel's 'dance space' but not quite inside Dean's comfort zone either. It was a curious compromise. "Cas."

Cas looked up from his book to see Dean's bright green eyes on his, looking softer than Cas had ever seen them. Cas did his best to ignore the impulse to surge forward into Dean and wrap his arms around the hunter's waist. "Dean?" he said, hoping that he could find a way to extricate himself before he did something that would ruin his friendship with Dean.

"Seriously Cas, what is it? Whatever this is, it's bothering you a lot, and I want to help," Dean said.

Cas just shook his head and kept his eyes on the book before him, not seeing the words as anything other than blurred black lines. "You cannot help."

"Dude, you're like a long-tailed cat in a rocking chair factory these days. What is it?"

Frustration mounted in Cas and he tightened his hands into fists, chanting a silent mantra to be strong and ignore all the impulses that were flowing through him at the moment. He wanted nothing more than to feel Dean's arms around him and the longer that Dean sat next to him like this, the more that Dean pushed, the harder it was for Cas to ignore the sensations. "You would not want to help me. Please leave me alone, Dean."

"How do you know I wouldn't want to help you if you don't even ask? Come on, dude, spill."

Cas looked at Dean with an annoyed tilt of the head. Why couldn't Dean leave well enough alone? "Dean." It came out more as an irritated sigh than anything else.

"Cas." Dean did his best to imitate the tone of Cas's voice. He stared at Cas, unblinking.

"As you wish." Cas turned so he was facing Dean, a movement that also served to put a little bit more space between them. This in itself was unusual, since Cas was usually the one crowding into Dean's space, and Dean raised an eyebrow at Cas. For his part, Cas decided that he may as well jump in with both feet, so he looked straight at Dean and said, "I want you to hug me."

Dean sat in stunned silence for several long moments, during which Cas drew upon every ounce of his millennia of experiences to keep him from fleeing the room, coattails flapping behind him as he went.

"I'm sorry, what?" Dean asked.

Cas sighed. "I told you that you would not like it."

Dean frowned at this. "I didn't say that all. Could you repeat what you just said, please?"

Cas huffed like a grampus, becoming more irritated the longer this dragged out. Why couldn't Dean just say something about personal space and go away, so Cas could go back to being miserable? Was that so much to ask? "I said that I wanted you to hug me. But clearly you don't want to do it, so I would appreciate it if you left me al--"

Dean threw his arms around Cas and pulled him in close, squeezing the angel so tightly that Cas let loose a tiny squeak. Cas slowly let his arms settle around Dean's waist and they sat like that for several long, wonderful moments. Finally, Dean pulled away and smirked at Cas. "Was that okay? Because if not, I can do it again."

"I do not understand," Cas said. "I was sure that you would not want to hug me, because of your 'dance space'. Why--"

Dean rolled his eyes. "Because you asked me to."

"You are always telling me that I am in your personal space, Dean. You are not making much sense right now."

Dean put his hand on Cas's shoulder, causing the angel to stare down at it for a moment before returning his gaze to Dean's face. "Cas, listen, you're my friend. No, you're my best friend. And you asked me for something that you needed, and I wanted to help you out because you were unhappy about something. I think that's kinda what friends do for each other." He paused, laughing softly. "You and I have this weird friendship, man, usually we do things for each other like, you know, getting killed, or you pulling me out of Hell or some weird shit like that. So I think that hugging is definitely way easier and frankly, better than any of that other stuff."

Cas took this small speech in and mulled it over, nodding slowly. It did make sense. Finally, he asked in a small voice, "Could I have another hug, do you think?"

Dean really laughed then, out loud, and Cas thought he detected a note of joy in the sound. Dean held his arms wide and Cas pressed himself against Dean's chest and once again wrapped his arms around Dean. In turn, Dean closed his arms around Cas's shoulders. Cas sighed in contentment, beginning to see why Jimmy had such fond memories of this experience with his own family. Cas felt warm, cozy and most of all safe within Dean's arms, and he hoped that it would never end.

So of course, Bobby chose this moment to enter the living room and stop short when he saw the two of them hugging on the couch. He heaved a loud, long-suffering sigh and muttered "Idjits," before stomping out of the room again. Dean and Cas pulled away from each other quickly and smiled nervously at each other.

"Thank you, Dean," Cas said softly. 

"Anytime, Cas. Anytime."


End file.
